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Dear Santa, I’m creating my list, And I’m telling you that I must insist, That on that day if you want to live You bring me a gun and a bottle of gin. I never did like being nice, So I only ask once, not twice. And if you choose not to deliver my needs, I’ll hunt you down like an animal in the sea. Naughty or nice, Do you think I care? Just give me the things And do not stare. For if you do, I’ll strip out your eye And put a bullet in Rudolph’s round hide. I want to be the first on your list, The one for the naughty boys, And of course, girls therein. Nice is for suckers And naughty for me, So give me what I ask — Immediately. And once you do, When my gifts arrive, Christmas is complete To make my terror alive; For in next year I have one dream, To be the best living social disease. Merry Christmas to all, And to all a good night!